The Power of Intentions at Family Meals- The Family Dinner Project

I’m just going to say it: I hate New Year’s resolutions.

I don’t think they’re valuable. It’s not just my opinion, either; sources suggest that at least 80 percent of resolutions are doomed to fail (some put the number even higher). There’s nothing about the long, cold days of January that inspire me, or anyone else I know, to become better versions of ourselves. And who’s to say what’s “better,” anyway?

Still, I know the New Year can feel incomplete without at least some reflection on what this next year might bring, and how we can be ready for it. If nothing else, resolutions are about injecting a little optimism and motivation into a time of year when many of us are lying around stuffed with the last of the holiday cookies and cheese platters. So I usually try to think of setting intentions for the year, instead.

One way to set a New Year’s intention is to pick a word that you want to sum up the year. For example, after one particularly difficult and grief-filled holiday season, I chose “joy” as my intended word for the following year. That mindset may not have automatically filled my life with twelve months of abundant happiness, but it helped me remember, every now and again, to look around for opportunities to pursue fun and lightheartedness. Maybe just by intending to find the positives, I trained myself to recognize them more easily when they crossed my path.

You can apply intentions to every aspect of your life, or you can focus them more closely on one area. If family meals feel like one place where you might want to create a little bit of change in the New Year, think of an intention you can set that will help you come to the table each time with an eye out for the things that matter to you. Here are some suggestions:

Intention #1: Connection
Connecting with our loved ones is one of the most important reasons to have family meals in the first place. But in the rush of day to day life, even sitting down to a meal can end up being a “dine and dash” situation, where everyone eats quickly and runs off to the next thing (homework, sports practice, cleaning the kitchen…). Or the conversation itself might be stalled, with one-word answers and shrugs replacing the kind of give-and-take we hope for. If connection is your intention this year, try:
- Being prepared with 100 different ways to ask “How Was Your Day?”
- Using some “Conversation Deepeners” to extend the experience
- Getting creative with a tech-based photo activity to help reluctant family members open up
- Using a “conversation box” to capture people’s thoughts and ideas, even when you can’t all sit down together at the same time. Pick a conversation starter for the day, write it down, and add your answers. Then leave the paper in a box or bowl on the table, where others can read your response and add their own.

Intention #2: Variety
Not to be cliched, but it is the “spice of life.” Variety might be a good intention for your family if you’re feeling stuck in a family dinner rut, or if you’re frustrated by common challenges like selective eating that seem to keep your menu limited. If you’re looking for more variety this year, try:
- Shaking up where and how you have shared meals once a week. Try a picnic (even if it’s on a blanket indoors), a family breakfast (or breakfast-for-dinner) in bed, or a weekly Dinner and a Movie experience with plenty of blankets and favorite snacks
- Making more “build-your-own” meals, where you can add a few adventurous menu items for more confident eaters, but leave the comforting, familiar foods on the table for selective palates
- Taking occasional inspiration from a book, movie, or country of the world. Theme nights can be a fun way to spice things up and introduce new foods in a way that piques kids’ curiosity!
- Building in more opportunities for sensory play and exploration outside of meals, to help selective eaters build familiarity and confidence with new foods
Intention #3: Peace
Does family dinner feel more exhausting than nourishing? If your meals together are marred by bickering, policing table manners, or constant tension, you might be seeking more peace at the table this year. (And if you’re thinking about seeking more peace rather than just giving up on the whole thing, well done.) Here’s some support:
- Check out Dr. Anne Fishel’s advice for taming tension at the table
- For particularly frequent fighting, try setting some ground rules for dinner conversation
- Try a different tactic, like bringing a favorite board game to dinner to help build camaraderie, or moving one dinner a week to a family-approved restaurant to see if a shift in setting improves behavior
- Does part of the problem stem from a lack of communication with your partner? Try these tips to help you talk about it and get on the same page about family dinners

You can choose one of these intentions, or create your own – the point is simply to think about what you want from your time together at meals, how you want those experiences to feel, and to look for small ways to capture those ideas when you sit down together. It may also be helpful to work together on this; you can involve your family members in choosing a family dinner intention that feels right. Remember, this New Year, it’s all about centering the things that matter most to you.

Food

Photo: The Meal Plan Addict

Speaking of setting intentions, the New Year is a great time to set Future You up with a freezer meal or two. Try these stuffed shells for a crowd-pleaser that freezes well!

Easy Cheesy Beef Stuffed Shells