At a recent extended family gathering, I had the pleasure of eating a very entertaining dinner in the company of some toddler nieces and nephews. Well, it was entertaining for me, and for many of the other adults whose kids are past that stage of life. I’m not sure it was quite as fun for the little ones’ parents, who were wrangling booster seats, trading off whose turn it was to eat a few bites of their own meal while their partner held a fussy child, cutting hot dogs into tiny pieces that would only be hurled off the side of the deck, and trying to pry a bottle of ranch dressing out of inquisitive little fingers.

My favorite part of the meal came when a new food entered the picture – cannoli! One of the toddlers was determined to only eat the bit he found most appetizing, which happened to be the miniature chocolate chips stuck to the ends. I watched as he worked diligently at using his new fine motor skills to carefully pinch each chocolate chip and wiggle it free of the cannoli filling, then examined every piece of chocolate for the smallest speck of cream. If he’d managed to get the chocolate off the cannoli cream-free, he’d smile, cheer, and eat the chocolate with a big grin. On the other hand, if there was any trace of cream filling on the chocolate, he’d drop it as if it were on fire and screech hysterically until someone removed the offending chocolate chip from his plate.

Anyone who has ever eaten a meal with a toddler has probably had a dozen or more similar experiences, which is one reason, I suppose, so many people tell The Family Dinner Project that they choose not to eat family dinner with their kids until a certain age. But despite the very relatable challenges, there are good reasons to try to include toddlers in your family meal routines:

• Kids learn through modeling and mimicry. In other words, if eventually you want to have kids who can sit through meals with some standard of expected behavior, you have to let them see what those expectations look like. Will toddlers be able to mimic your good manners right away? Of course not – but trust that they’re watching, and over time, they’ll start to catch on.
• Dinnertime with adults is a vocabulary booster. Research shows that dinner conversation can teach kids more new words than being read to, because when the grown-ups at the table are talking, they’re likely to use bigger and more novel words. When one parent monitors toddler dinnertime alone, they’re more likely to use simple words and speak at the child’s level, which has less impact on developing vocabulary (and pre-literacy skills). It’s hearing the adults and older kids at the table talking to each other that really gives toddler vocabularies a boost.
• Eating as a family promotes bonding and ritual. Rituals are different from routines – as Dr. Anne Fishel points out, rituals help kids feel like they belong, and like they can count on something as an anchor in the day. Including toddlers in our family meal rituals sends them the signal that they are a valued part of the family right from the start, and they can belong at the dinner table, just like the “big people” do.
• Family meals provide great exposure to new foods. When we invite our toddlers to participate in the family meal, it’s an opportunity to serve a wide variety of foods, taking advantage of little ones’ natural curiosity about tastes and textures. While toddlers can often be selective eaters, it’s common for them to be more adventurous when they first start solids, before going through developmentally expected “picky eating” phases throughout early childhood. The more variety they see others eating in those early days, the more curious they’ll be about trying things themselves; and the more easily they’ll probably come through any pickiness that does show up as they grow.

All of that is the “why” of eating with your toddlers, despite how tricky it can be! Now what about the “how?” We’ve got that covered with this post about the “Three T’s” of eating with toddlers – Timing, Tastes, and Temperament. Try our tips for dealing with the common challenges of toddlers at the table, and remember, this magical, messy, cannoli-mangling stage of development won’t last forever.

Food

These Strawberry Banana pancakes are a toddler essential: Great for family dinner OR breakfast, freezable, easy to eat, and perfect for a little kitchen helper who loves to press the blender button!

Strawberry Banana Pancakes

Fun

Cat and Cow is one of our very favorite dinner games for little ones. Watch our young friend Judah and his mom show you how it’s done!

https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/dinner_games_-_cat_and_cow-1080p.mp4?_=1

Conversation

It’s not always easy to think of ways to involve little ones in the conversation. Here are some simple conversation starters you can try. Let family members of all ages demonstrate their own answers to inspire your toddlers to share!