The First Family Dinners

Recently, I was asked how my family started having dinner together every (or almost every) night. I had to think about it. Did they start when my oldest child was a newborn, and we placed his infant seat next to us at the table while we ate? No, it was before that – I still have the scrap of notebook paper where I wrote down the dinner plans for our first weeks of marriage, reminding me that my husband and I prioritized eating dinner together every night even when we were just a family of two. Or maybe our rituals started even before then, as we grew up in two households where family dinner was an expected part of childhood.

Starting a family dinner routine doesn’t always come naturally; eating with little ones can be challenging enough for many parents to skip it altogether. It’s common for parents of young children to keep a household schedule that doesn’t include eating together until the kids are considered “old enough.” How old is “old enough?” It depends – but often, the very skills parents are hoping to see their kids develop before including them in family dinners are the same skills that are best learned through practice at the table. In other words, children can best develop their table manners, eating habits, mealtime behavior and conversation skills by having regular dinners with the adults in their homes, not by eating separately.

Still, starting a family dinner routine that sets everyone up for success can be tricky, not to mention a test of everyone’s patience. There’s bound to be spilled milk, food refusal, some acting up, and even whining (that one may apply to both kids and parents!). But it’s worth hanging on during those less-than-perfect dinners to get the benefits of family meals, for both kids and adults. Here are some tips to help you get started on the right foot during the early years:

For Couples: Shared mealtimes are just as good for adults as they are for children. Eating together can help promote your bond, and if you intend to have children one day, having the habit already established can make it easier to expand dinners to include the whole family. Check out our Family Starts With Two resources to help you and your partner get started with meaningful shared meals.
For Parents of Infants: It may not be quite time for a full-fledged “family dinner” yet, but establishing a positive feeding relationship with your baby is an important first step. Dr. Anne Fishel explains why, and how, in this article about the Very First Family Dinners.
For Parents of Toddlers: This can be one of the more difficult moments in family dinner dynamics, but research shows that when parents of small children prioritize family dinners, their satisfaction with their marriage and family life improves. That’s reason enough to stick with it through the toddler tantrums! If you’re wondering how to save your sanity during these years, these resources might help:

It won’t always feel easy or even rewarding, but it is possible to have family dinners from the very start. Still, it’s important to remember that it’s never too late! No matter how old the members of your family may be, you can always improve your connections to one another by sitting down together for a shared meal.