“I’m scared and nervous about seeing my family for the holidays this year.”

“I’ve been anxious about Thanksgiving since…well, last Thanksgiving.”

“I feel like no matter what happens, it’s going to be hard to get everyone together and enjoy each other’s company the way we used to.”

These are just some of the things I’ve heard lately, as Americans gear up for a holiday season that starts just weeks after one of the most contentious political moments in history. It’s no secret that this country feels divided right now, and those divisions will be keenly felt at family holiday tables.

For some families, there’s no problem with Thanksgiving dynamics; everyone who might show up to dinner is on the same political page, so whatever happens with the upcoming election, the mood around the table will be a shared one. Others may be divided in opinion, but still determined to make the holidays inclusive and merry – and feel optimistic that they can tamp down any ill feelings for as long as it takes to eat some turkey and watch a football game together. But for the remainder of Americans, the experience will either include dread, tension, and potential conflict; or, it will be a holiday season where lines are drawn, invitations declined, and new plans made, with either relief or sorrow.

Whichever kind of family yours is right now, we see you, and we’re feeling it, too. Here are some thoughts on how to navigate the upcoming season of holiday dinners with as much positivity and connection as possible.

For the “We’re all in this together” family:

It’s wonderful that you’re able to feel secure about your family’s unity this year! We’re glad you can plan a holiday gathering without worrying that your time together will be overshadowed by external events.

Whether you’ll be celebrating the election outcome together, or feeling scared and apprehensive together, make sure to take time to move on to other topics as well. The holiday can be a respite from the continual feeling that politics are taking up all the oxygen in the room.

One small note, and not to be a downer – but it might be a good time to double-check your own assumptions here. I was recently at a family gathering where nearly everyone skews to one side of the political spectrum, but one person has in the past leaned the other way on some issues. During a lively discussion about current events, I noticed him seeming a little uncomfortable, but he said nothing until the conversation moved on to other topics.

Might there be anyone at your table this Thanksgiving who fits that profile? If so, this is a good opportunity to be extra sensitive to that person’s possible needs and feelings, and to remember that regardless of your family’s general emotions around the election outcome, you are a strong unit, and you can plan your celebrations around that bond rather than around your political views.

Try:

• Centering a gratitude practice with these conversation starters
• Keeping things fun with our Holiday Would You Rather game
• Focusing on how your family can make a positive impact for others with our Giving Decision Tree

For the “We’re trying not to rock the boat” family:

This is a precarious place to be in this year. It’s commendable that you want to gather and try to rise above the passionate feelings that may come up around political issues. It’s also worth recognizing that in order to make that happen, some members of the family may feel like they need to “put on a brave face” or hide their real responses in order to keep the peace.

Tension at the table isn’t good for anyone, nor is fake unity. If you’re a family who wants to extend the invitation to everyone and work it out in real time, you’ll need to hold some strong boundaries and expectations around what’s in and what’s out as far as dinner conversation and behavior this year. You might consider reaching out to all your guests ahead of time, letting them know that you’re looking forward to seeing everyone, and given the strong feelings about recent events, you’d like to keep politics off the table this year.

Try:

• Offering these conversational ground rules to guests before they arrive (and reminding people of them as necessary)
• Keeping some of these ideas and sample scripts in mind to help manage budding conflicts
• Having focused activities ready that can help keep people thinking about the positive aspects of your family relationships, like these conversation starters about family recipes, or these storytelling prompts

For the “We’re feeling the fracture” family:

We’re so sorry it’s come to this, but we wish you peace, regardless. If you’re feeling pressured to gather and know that the experience will include conflict, some of the tips offered above, for “trying not to rock the boat” families, might help. But you may also want to be ready with solutions that minimize face-to-face time, if at all possible.

Can you suggest that you’ll join the whole family just for dessert? Or can you bring the kids to have pumpkin muffins with Grandma and Grandpa on Thanksgiving morning, but leave before your challenging Aunt Judy shows up with her overbearing opinions and your angry Uncle Hal? This may be the year to hold firmer boundaries around your time, and to start some new traditions that feel soothing, rather than seething.

Of course, all of that is easier said than done. To minimize hurt feelings (though you probably can’t fully avoid them), reach out sincerely and directly. Let the people you love know that you do still love them, and that you’re feeling like with all the emotions swirling around current events, your relationships on the whole will be better served by taking some time to regroup. Have your preferred arrangements firmly in mind before the conversation starts, whether that’s a phone call on Thanksgiving morning, a drop-in visit before the dinner begins, or some other idea. And– if it applies– let your loved ones know that you’re looking forward to other opportunities to gather in the future, but as far as the holidays go, you just can’t handle the usual expectations this year.

Try:

• Offering to participate in a virtual holiday gathering instead of an in-person one. You can make it special – and keep it personal, not political – with our Virtual Care Package.
• Shaking things up with a non-traditional holiday that feels right to you, like the Wansleben family did during pandemic lockdowns. Maybe you’d rather have a pj party and hot cocoa brunch than a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, or you’ll feel happier serving at a food pantry before meeting friends for takeout and movie night. Be guided by your heart, not your past obligations.
• Focusing on the positives by using the holiday as an opportunity to start a Jar of Good Things. By this time next year, you’ll have a whole collection of memories to help kick-start your thankfulness!

We’re wishing for a Thanksgiving – and a whole holiday season – where families can feel some hope on the horizon. Remember that this is a season of gratitude; seek thankfulness where you can find it, comfort where you can get it, and togetherness in whatever form is right for you this year.

Food

The night before Thanksgiving is one of the most popular times for takeout pizza. If you’re not ordering in, you might have a homemade pizza party, either the traditional way or taking a shortcut!

Homemade Pizza OR English Muffin Pizzas

Fun

We teamed up with our friends at Pizza to the Polls to create these election-themed games, perfect for playing while you wait in line to vote, or for breaking the ice at a family dinner.

The Family Dinner Project + Pizza to the Polls

Conversation

Keep the table set for meaningful – and non-political – conversations with our collection of printable interview placemats.

Thanksgiving Printable Placemats