This blog was contributed by Leslie Kimball, executive director of Responsibility.org, a national non-profit with the missions to eliminate underage drinking, end drunk driving, and empower adults to make a lifetime of responsible alcohol choices.
In the rush of daily life, sitting down together for dinner can feel like a luxury. Between work, school, sports, activities, and social commitments, families are often pulled in multiple directions at once. I feel this, and with two kids in the hyper-busy years of 15 and 18, I know I’m not alone. Research and experience continue to show that shared meals—however informal or infrequent—offer powerful benefits for the entire family. Family dinners are more than a meal; they are a meaningful opportunity for connection, communication, and even prevention, particularly when it comes to underage drinking and sending the messages that help keep kids and teens alcohol-free.
I’ve been developing underage drinking prevention efforts at Responsibilility.org for my kids’ entire lives! One of the three missions of Responsibility.org is to eliminate underage drinking. Both of my kids have grown up with conversations about alcohol and how it affects their developing brains; we have practiced ways to say NO if and when someone offers them alcohol; and we have discussed the reasons they should never ever get in a car with someone who is drunk or impaired. Family dinners offer us a regular opportunity to have those conversations in a natural setting. I do my best not to make them awkward—and oftentimes we are able to relate them to things happening in the community, on the news, or on our social media feeds. Some parents find it tough to talk about alcohol or risky behaviors. I assure you, though, when you DO decide to talk, your kids will be listening, even if their body language says otherwise.
Believe it or not, research shows that parents are the number one influence on our kids’ decisions to drink or not drink alcohol. Dinnertime is also a natural time for us to model responsible alcohol consumption if and when we choose to drink. A glass of wine or cocktail over a shared meal can set the stage for a discussion about alcohol—why laws and rules exist, making responsible choices, the consequences of over consumption, and what to do if anyone is ever in a situation where they need to find help to get home safely. These conversations are also a time to reflect on our own relationship with alcohol. I often think about how my friends, family and I refer to alcohol and drinking— are we focusing on the contents of our glass and the enjoyment of the moment, rather than the stresses of our day? Are we making jokes about why we drink? I still cringe at the “mommy juice” trends of the early 2000s – those could not be gone soon enough, and I hope they stay away forever. Sometimes, too, I find that talking about science, agriculture, and tradition of alcohol within different cultures enhances the respect for the many hands, collaborations, and decisions that go into creating a beverage that is to be enjoyed, savored, and shared—when the time is right. Additionally, dinners together can serve as an opportunity to talk about why you might choose not to drink, which opens up discussions about values, religious beliefs, or the existence of alcohol use disorders in your family.
Underage drinking prevention is about knowing the facts ourselves, so we can talk about them confidently at home. Times have changed since I was a teen. Since 1991 the number of teens who report having ever consumed alcohol has dropped almost 60%! Underage drinking is absolutely, positively, not a rite of passage. Young people who feel supported, heard, and valued at home are more likely to make smarter choices. And the longer we can delay the onset of alcohol consumption, the lower the chances will be that our kids will develop an alcohol use disorder later in life. Family meals reinforce expectations and boundaries, and offer a chance to build the trust and safety kids need. Conversations don’t have to be heavy or lecture-driven; sometimes it’s the casual check-in over pizza or leftovers that opens the door to honest dialogue.
It’s also worth remembering that “dinner” doesn’t always have to happen around a traditional dining table. A shared meal in the car between activities is sometimes all you get—so what better place to talk about the dangers of driving drunk or otherwise distracted or impaired? Checking in with my college-aged daughter over a snack and FaceTime can still foster meaningful discussions, too. What matters is the shared moment and the connection, not the setting.
Whether it happens every night or just once during a busy week, whether it’s homemade or takeout, at the table or on the go, each shared meal is an investment in our family, and each conversation about alcohol is a nod to safety and prevention. And the only bad conversation is the one we never had.
For more of Leslie’s perspective on leveraging family meals to help prevent underage drinking, check out our podcast conversation!